I find that naming expectations helps me avoid and resolve conflict. An unnamed expectation is an unconscious, unspoken, implicit "should" or "should not" hanging between myself and someone else. I'm not saying expectations are a problem—shared expectations are the essence of culture, and culture is what allows us to relate with one another easily and…
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When we view others with hostility, we're more likely to try to get our needs met at their expense. Transforming our hostility into compassion can shift our approach to conflict, allowing us to respond in ways that are more beneficial for everyone involved. (By hostility, I mean those strategies, impulses and habits that tend to…
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Consider the idea that we co-create the dynamics of our relationships. This implies that when a problem is showing up in a relationship, each person in the relationship has helped create that problem and each person has a role to play in responding to the problem. I find this premise leads to an empowering way…
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What a gift, to learn to recognize the call of the soul! Thanks, Southwestern! Here's an excerpt from a paper I wrote for the Addiction Assessment and Treatment class that I took with Jason Holley:
In the past, I have had trouble connecting with a personal understanding of the word soul. Dictionaries tend to define…
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I'm finding I can make difficult experiences more meaningful by using them to cultivate compassion.
For instance, let's say I'm feeling lonely—needing more love and companionship in my life. Feeling lonely can be uncomfortable, and loneliness can seem bleak and meaningless. However, I can make my experience of loneliness more meaningful by using it toward…
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This is episode 5 of the Aspiring Coaches and Therapists podcast, by Emilah Dawn DeToro and Jacob Gotwals. In this episode, we discuss the roles of structure, fluidity, and presence in sessions with clients.
Listen Now / Download (Duration: 36:41 — 25.2MB)
Find out about:
How Emilah structures intuitive life coaching sessions with clients
…
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This is episode 8 of the Aspiring Coaches and Therapists podcast, by Emilah Dawn DeToro and Jacob Gotwals. In this episode (recorded in November 2013), we talk about various ways of attracting new clients: what we’ve tried, what we like, what’s worked for us, and what hasn’t.
Listen Now / Download (Duration: 41:52 — 28.8MB)
…
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I can be good at strategizing. I can also be somewhat anxious. Put those two together, and what do you get? A mindset where I'm trying to anticipate and plan for every possible risk in advance. (Believe me, that's no way to live!)
When I notice myself doing this, I try to shift to a…
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Often, when I'm experiencing uncomfortable feelings and moods, I'm barely conscious of them. It's not that these feelings are subtle and hard to detect—at times they can be pretty intense and still be mostly unconscious. It is as if I am the feeling (as opposed to being aware of it). I make a practice of…
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When I'm finishing up a session of meditation, I sometimes set an intention to continue doing nothing throughout my day. That doesn't mean I won't move from my meditation cushion—it means I'll take a wait-and-see approach to my day. It means acknowledging I'm not in control—and letting go. I simply wait and watch what my…
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When I started learning to empathize with others, at first, I found myself awkwardly guessing their feelings and needs (often, incorrectly). Gradually, I built my feelings and needs vocabulary, and eventually, I was able to guess feelings and needs more easily and more accurately. However, my empathic reflections still felt somewhat awkward and contrived. I'd…
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In a difficult conversation, when I'm considering saying something controversial, I find that it really helps to preface it with three magic words: "My story is..." This allows me to express my perspective while simultaneously owning it. Owning my perspective creates space for the other person to have their own perspective (which may be different…
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I read lots of books. I used to do a lot of underlining and note taking in those books—then I would file the books away on my bookshelf as a storehouse of knowledge.
Eventually, I started to notice something: I never went back to any of those books to look at my notes and underlines.…
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Let’s talk about how receiving feedback is related to states of mind—both your state of mind and the state of mind of the person delivering the feedback.
When You Get Triggered
Receiving feedback tends to quickly reveal what I’m attached to. To the extent that I'm attached to whatever the other person is delivering feedback…
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When I'm unhappy, it's often because I'm not getting what I want. What to do at a time like this? I might try identifying the needs behind my wants. Identifying my unmet needs can help me have more compassion for myself—but it doesn't shift me out of my self-enclosed, solipsistic state. It's easy to keep…
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For me, the first step in having a great day is having a great sleep—and the first step in having a great sleep is preparing for sleep. I know I'm going to be asleep for about eight hours—and I know that the last hour or so before I go to sleep is a crucial time…
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There's a paradox: from one point of view, I am that. From another, you are not me. I believe it's important to remember both of these viewpoints.
Remembering "I am that" reminds me of the unity of all things. It reminds me that the entire universe is my body—so of course, I aspire to love…
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Sometimes I'll get compliments like, "You're so organized!" At these times, I'll often respond by saying, "Thanks! That's true, I am—except when I'm not!" That's because I try not to think of myself as being any particular thing—responsible, irresponsible, loving, hateful, or whatever.
In my experience, when I get invested in a particular idea about…
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The Student Right-to-Know Act was enacted in 1990 by federal law. The federal law requires institutions that receive Title IV student financial aid to collect, report and disclose the following information. For additional information or any questions about any of the following areas, please call 1-877-471-5756, where you will be directed to the appropriate resource.
Family…
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Living in Santa Fe the hot springs in the area are of great interest. There are a bunch of great hot springs spas in the area, that I highly recommend spending a day at. These spas cost money and that can sometimes be a factor for whether or not we can spend a day to…
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This 3-year Counseling program plan
is designed for people who wish to work part-time while pursuing their degreeÂ
uses Federal Direct student loans to cover tuition costs
offers time to integrate the clinical learning with the self reflective aspects of the program
Financial Example:
Most students who are enrolled full-time qualify for $20,500…
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This 2.5-year Counseling program plan offers students
time to integrate the clinical learning with the self-reflective aspects of the program
Federal Direct student loans to cover most of the tuition costs
an opportunity to work part-time and study primarily full-time
Example:
Most students who are enrolled full-time qualify for $20,500 (less the origination…
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by Kate Latimer, LPCC
Before investing in the 2-3 years of academic coursework needed to complete a graduate degree, students need to know what their job prospects will be upon completion. After the devastating effects of the 2008 financial crisis that left many degree-holders unemployed, colleges have seen a national trend of lower enrollment in…
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Southwestern College Santa Fe, NM